Remember me

Register

 | Home  | Contact us

How to communicate with your boss

Many of the major complaints people have about their jobs could be solved at the worker/boss level. A boss who incorporates these six points into his or her management style can have a positive impact on how an employee feels about his job.

Manage your boss for a change

How do you get your boss to incorporate these ideas? By managing your boss. Take an active role in that relationship. Don't wait for your boss to change his or her response to you; change your response to your boss. Instead of a passive non-response, determine how you will approach your boss based on your understanding of their management style. You can’t control your boss, but you can control your own attitudes, emotions, and work style. Think of yourself as the manager - because you are, in this case!

How do you avoid ticking away like a time bomb in anger and frustration at your boss? It helps if your boss is open to working on the relationship. But if your supervisor seems to be unwilling, remember that your attitude is what is important. A negative, accusatory, or disgruntled attitude will only make things worse. It’s also best not to try to approach your boss when you are angry. That only adds to the bad feelings rather than alleviating them.

Instead of smouldering in dissatisfaction, ask your boss when the two of you can talk without interruption. You might say, “I would like to talk to you about how I can do my job better. I think this could benefit both of us. Do you have some time this week when we could talk? I would really be interested in your input.” That way, it doesn't sound like you want to have a complaint session.

When you go in to talk with your boss, know specifically what you want to talk about. Clarify the issues in your mind first, then write them down. If you need to point out a problem area, especially if it concerns something the boss is or is not doing right, offer a suggestion as to how you could help solve it.

Remember, too, empathy and understanding is a two-way street. Put yourself in you boss’s shoes. Is your boss under a lot of stress? I can’t imagine very many bosses who aren't in these economically troubled times. Increasing numbers of managers are suffering from burnout due to the intense pressure they are getting from those above them. Unfortunately, since more and more companies are bottom-line oriented, they don’t appreciate the long-term benefits of having caring, people-oriented managers. Your boss may sincerely want to make things better but feels frustrated in his efforts by top management.

Here is where you can manage your boss. Offer support and you will likely get support in return. Believe it or not, he or she is human, too! Ask what you can do to help make his job easier. Be willing to take on some tasks that you may not like. Later, you may get a chance to do something you really want to do.

Once the communication ball is rolling, don't let it lose momentum. When you and your boss have set some goals, check regularly to see how things are progressing. You might want to take a few minutes after work once a week to check in. Your boss will know that you meant business and that your efforts were not just a momentary whim. Here are some other tips to remember when communicating with your boss:

  • Develop a specific list of wants that the boss can reasonably implement.
  • Turn the tables: give your boss sincere, appropriate appreciation. Make sure it is sincere. People know when it is not real.
  • Don't be demanding. If you appear to be unwilling to negotiate about your wants, your appeal will fall on deaf ears.
  • Be open and honest. You may walk out of a meeting with your boss without getting all your wants, but you will still have your most valuable asset: your integrity.

On some occasions you may try everything with your boss without getting anywhere. What do you do next? You may want to go to your boss’s boss, but be very careful about going over his head. It could cause resentment and damage your relationship even further. However, it may be the only way around an ‘immovable object’. Don't let yourself be trapped by a boss who is unwilling to give you an honest chance to improve your situation.

Understand your boss’s temperament

As you forge a new relationship with your boss, it is important to know his or her personality style or temperament to accelerate the communication process. The following is a brief discussion of the four personalities as they relate to a leadership style.

If your boss is a command-person, the best way to communicate with him is to be brief, clear and to the point. Present your ideas as concrete goals, back up your reasoning with facts but not a lot of data, and cite examples of success. Command-persons are least receptive to anything that appears to be unproductive or a waste of time, including attempts at relationship-building that are not related to a specific work objective. They are not interested in small talk. Be as organised and logical as possible in your approach. More than any other temperament, command-persons appreciate loyalty to their policies and to the company.

If your boss is a people-person, be prepared to listen - and listen and listen! People-persons are interested in small talk, especially when they are doing it. Approach this boss in a friendly way, and present your ideas as creatively as possible. Don't deal heavily in facts, figures or risks. After you have shared your idea, you may find your boss embellishing it with his own. Don't try to cling rigidly to your original idea. Be flexible, and you will be more likely to gain acceptance.

Compliment the people-person on his insight and inventiveness, and you will find him responsive to your needs. You may also have to drop a few gentle reminders now and then, because when he gets interested in another project, yours may slip his mind. This temperament is the one that will most sincerely want to see you happy, as he loves pleasing people. Sometimes he forgets to follow through, however, because he is off on another idea. Remember not to take that as a personal slight and you should get along famously.

The benefit for employees of a people-person is that their door is almost always open and they usually will listen to new ideas and share your excitement, if at all possible. So, take heart, when he or she starts on another story and keep one eye on a new project that could propel you into a new career path.

If your boss is a detail-person, he is just the opposite of a people-person. This boss expects accuracy, objectivity and practical guarantees against risk. If you want him to try something new, you should provide a detailed analysis as to why it should be done and how it will work. The detail-person tends to communicate in a direct, businesslike manner and does not often appreciate a casual attitude or inappropriate humour. He may, in fact, appear curt and cold, but is simply more comfortable with facts and figures than polished salesmanship.

The detail-person boss is the most straightforward one to manage. Do your homework and leave your excitement about the project at home, and you should be fine.

If your boss is a support-person, he, like the detail-person, may not be comfortable in a leadership position. When trying to initiate communication, be as non-threatening as possible. Be patient and take the time to show personal interest. Develop the relationship. Don't be abrupt or too businesslike. Support-people are friendly, but they are not usually outgoing.

It is best to avoid areas of strong disagreement. Support-people do not like conflict. When suggesting new ideas, emphasise your assistance or that of other people. She will like other people’s ideas. Also, when she has to initiate a change or a project, she needs to know that others will cooperate with her. It is easy to get along with a support-person when there is no conflict, but she is likely to clam up if you appear disagreeable. She likes to keep things peaceful and harmonious, so she will usually be encouraging. Remember that the support-person does not push, so you may not always get fast results.

Most people are a combination of two of these temperaments. Your boss will probably fall into two styles. You can’t always identify the secondary temperament, but the primary one should be fairly obvious. The important thing to remember is that, unless your boss is the same temperament as you (which can cause its own problems), you each have a different way of approaching your job, your relationship and your life. That does not make either of you inherently right or wrong, just different.

Think about your reactions. Are you really having problems with your boss? Is he or she trying to ruin your life - or is he just being the natural-born leader his temperament is designed to be? When you understand your own and your boss’s temperaments and how they interact, you are on the road to better communication already.

Each temperament has a function and particular role to play. In managing your boss, remember that if you’re a detail or support-person feeling intimidated by a command-person or people-person boss, then he needs you! Who would carry out the commands of the command-person if there were no support-persons? Conversely, who would delegate and discuss projects if there were no command or people-persons?

Understanding and appreciating differences is vital to managing your boss. You may feel that it is too much responsibility and work to figure out your boss - that your boss should make more of an effort to understand you. In an ideal world, your goal is to make your relationship with your boss as solid and open as it can be by doing your part.

Taken from Jane Boucher’slatest book, ‘How to Love the Job You Hate’, about job satisfaction in the 21st century (ISBN 0-9679591-0-1). It is available at Beagle Bay Books, Nevada, USA (jcsimonds@beaglebay.com; http://www.beaglebay.com).

Jane Boucher is a best-selling author and professional speaker with offices in Ohio and Nevada, USA (jane@janeboucher.com).